a differant poem

to die, many deaths, i made a difference.
to live, many lives, i made a difference.
with you, i tried.
without you, i tried.

it seems, yesterday, when two years went.
it seems, tomorrow, when two years never come.
with you, a difference.
without you, a difference.

your particular sleeping curve didn't change.
your visual field, a line, like mine, a field of rainbows,
bestowed, blessed, was this journey, to be, and to not be.
with you, a differance
without you, a differance

i'll pretend, friend, just friend,
take me seriously, no one is nearby, I am not there, any more,
disappearance is not a difference.
empty presence is.
with I, a difference
without I, a difference.

so this, just a sudden appearance, a poem that is not a poem,
it is, but a fleeting trace of yesterday,
and a bubble burst today
(there will be no tomorrow)
with love, a difference
without love, a difference

i've said nothing much, I won't leave myself to kill myself
i live when it is finally impossible to die.
so i wish, you meet, someone older than I am,
someone who has some magic
and buys the groceries on your list without you showing the list.
with words, a chore
without words, a chore.


someone else, to love you,
someone, not I, who died.
i can't keep up, appearances,
this appearance, sudden.
a last post?
when you see this,
I would have made another difference.
with difference, a differance.
without difference, a












(it's another d word.)